The Ballad of Beta-Ray Bill, Pt. 1

I figured, this being BETA-RAY BILL WEEK and all, I should just start at the beginning. Specifically, Bill's first appearance in The Mighty Thor, issue 337 by the incomparable Walt Simonson. Coincidentally, considering how Bill is one of Simonson's best known creations, this was also Simonson's first issue on the title. Talk about going for broke right out the barn door.

(Not exactly a subtle entrance. Someone's going to have to fix that before next issue, btw.)

Long story short. Nick Fury shanghais Donald Blake, Thor's alter-ego, and requests Thor's help on investigating an alien space craft that has entered orbit around Earth's Sun, where it is apparently refueling. Thor intercepts the ship as it sets in a course for Earth, and gets a warm welcome from a battery of energy weapons. Thor being, well, Thor, destroys the guns and rips on through the hull of the ship in a display of cunning not seen since one guy bashed another guy with a handy log. Once inside the vessel, Thor spots a crystalline chamber containing a large figure. Employing his deductive abilities to their fullest, Thor breaks that shit all up into pieces, because hey, why not right? No sooner does he do this, than this guy right here...

(It's good to see that somebody besides me remembers Rollerball...)

...jumps out to kick his butt three ways from last Sunday. Beta-Ray Bill. First, last and only line of defense for the alien Korbinites against an as yet unknown demonic threat. Bill, seeing the mess Thor has made of his stuff, decides (quite rightly) that the Thunder-God is probably a demon. And if there's one thing Bill likes it's beating the fool out of space-demons. Also, puppies.
Mostly the demon thing, though.
He and Thor tear through the alien space-craft in a knock down drag out brawl the likes of which caused a young Rob Liefield to wet himself in excitement, until, through a combination of luck and Bill being smart enough to realize that if a guy keeps exclaiming about how mighty the power of his hammer is, it's probably a good idea to get rid of said hammer, Mjolnir gets separated from Thor in the fight, Thor turns into plain old Don Blake, gets knocked out when the severely damaged space craft crashes on Earth, and-

(Ten points if you spot the He-Man reference.)

Bill, like any kid with a shiny new weapon of mystic destruction, begins playing around with his new toy, right up until he gets his keister kidnapped by none other than Odin, who has confused our alien friend for Thor, due to the fact he's dressed in the same snazzy duds, and despite the fact he looks like a skinned horse. Cue ominous music and/or laugh track.

Next issue, hijinks ensue! Until then, I leave you with this...

BETA-RAY BILL.

MASTER OF THE OBVIOUS.