Howsabout Some Classic Kirby?

Once Again, It's...Ben Grimm-Ladies Man

The Thing...(AKA Friday Night Fights: OPP!! Round 10!)

ONCE PUNCHED A GODD@MNED DINOSAUR!

That's how you do One Panel of Pain, people. Right in the kisser. Courtesy of Ultimate Fantastic Four issue 21 and Mark Millar and (shudder) Greg Land.

The Thing...

ONCE MADE BATMAN'S HEART GROW THREE SIZES.

The Thing...

ONCE PUT FIN-FANG-FOOM IN HIS PANTS.
(So...how many of you got that reference?)

The Thing...

HAS HIS OWN DEFINITION FOR 'POWER LIFTING'.

The Thing...

ALWAYS MAKES AN EXCEPTION FOR PANCAKES.

Friday Night Fights: OPP!! Round 9!

Round NINE cats and kittens! One Powerful Panel of Pure Plastic Pain comin' right up!

This week's Clobberin' Time is courtesy of Stan the Man and Jack the King in Fantastic Four issue 85!

The Weekly Thing

Q: Who doesn't love a good Hulk/Thing match-up?

A: The Hulk.

Villains with Potential-The Hyena

Africa is a land of magic. Curses fall like rain from the sky and the trees sing in the voices of long-vanished peoples when the wind blows just right. Beauty and horror mingle, and nowhere is that more evident than in the twisted form of the creature known as the Hyena.
The Hyena is the victim of a particularly horrid curse, one that transforms its sufferers into a hideous amalgam of human and...well, hyena. The transformation from man (or woman) into beast is activated by negative emotions and stressful situations, and the more the sufferer transforms, the more blood they spill, the harder it is for them to become human once more.
The two previous bearers of the curse are either dead or indisposed, but just because someone dies of a disease, doesn't mean the disease itself disappears.
Imagine, if you will, a new Hyena rampaging in, say, Lagos. And then, imagine if you will that someone captures that Hyena. Kobra, say, or HIVE. Better yet, the African branch of Intergang. The Hyena is cornered and captured with an acceptable loss of life. And then, it is turned over to a group of men specializing in the scientific study of magic. Men whose job it is to turn the ravening creature into something more than a simple physical menace.
You see, they're going to replicate whatever makes the Hyena the Hyena-be it a curse or biological -and then they're going to weaponize it. Weaponize it and sell it to the highest bidder.
Imagine a major American city, reduced to a burning ruin, its citizens running rampant through the streets, reduced to giggling, howling, contagious...Hyenas.

Villains with Potential-The Shocker

Professionalism is the word by which Herman Schultz, AKA the Shocker, lives his life. A rational man in an irrational world, Schultz runs on work ethic and reputation. Cold, ruthless and self-aware, the Shocker is a survivor. He knows when to cut and run, when a fight can't be won. But at times, his instinct for self-preservation is tested by an overwhelming desire to be recognized as something more than a punching bag for various costumed vigilantes.
You see, the Shocker wants something better. He wants to be more than just a thug in a yellow quilted mask. More than just Herman Schultz, survivor.
It starts over beers, maybe. A few costumes, complaining about the low wages, the high risks, the state of the industry. The Shocker has always been quiet at these gatherings. Schultz keeps his cards close to his vest. Professionals don't flap their lips, after all. But this time is different, this time the Shocker leans forward. His voice is quiet, calm, measured. He talks about things like communal funds and legal retainers. About benefits and even company cars (getaway cars, but still...). About unionizing. Schultz has been thinking about this for a long time, it's obvious. And now that he's thought it all out, he's ready to get things started, like Jimmy Hoffa in a two-tone costume. All it takes is a few members, at first, standing up to the big boys, he says. It's not the Masters of Evil or the Sinister Six, nothing like that. It's not about taking anyone down or accomplishing something big and unpleasant. It's about just enough of the right guys doing the right thing at the right time to make things a little better for everyone who wears a costume and likes making money the wrong way. It's about making everything a little more...professional. But there's professional and then there's professional and pretty soon everyone with a record who likes wearing colorful tights is paying union dues to Herman Schultz (who rarely bothers wearing his costume anymore) and then, all of a sudden, before anyone can think twice, every third tier super-villain in the United States is on strike.

Friday Night Fights: OPP!! Round 8!

There's something to be said for a dog bites man story, or, in this case, dog hits man with girder story...don't you think, Space-Booger?
Regardless, this week's mauling is courtesy of Lockjaw, Lee and Kirby, from the pages of Fantastic Four # 46!

Get Stoned!

Click the awesome image to see what happens when "...NIGHT FALLS ON THE COSMODROME!"

Villains with Potential-The Answer

The Answer. What's the question? Why hasn't this guy got more play.
You'd think a villain who can adapt to any problem (i.e. any hero) would make a great all purpose sparring partner, even if his abilities only last a few minutes at a time. However, he's usually a background character, often falling prey to the 'third guy unconscious' rule of mass super-villain battles.
Originally a Las Vegas hit-man, Aaron Nicholson quite literally became the 'answer' to the Kingpin's super-hero problems and he can manifest a counter to any problem. Combine that with superhuman intuition and intelligence and you're dealing with a mastermind, not a flunky.
In his first few appearances, the Answer played around with Spider-Man and the Black Cat, testing their abilities and limits in order to formulate a method of defeating them. Later, he did much the same with Dr. Octopus when the latter returned him to a physical state. Thus, it's not too hard to postulate that he's been doing much the same of late, pretending to be a jobber in order to test the skills and abilities of a variety of friends and foes. We've seen him snuggling up to the Hood, playing lackey, but again, he's done that before, with the Kingpin and Dr. Octopus.
Consider, if there's one thing the Answer is, it's patient. He's calm, he's methodical and he's a planner. The question is, what, exactly, is he planning? And who's he planning to do it to?

Villains with Potential-The Beetle

We all (well, all of us who read comics regularly) know that the original Beetle, Abner Jenkins, went straight. But that doesn't remove the Beetle's potential as a viable bad guy.
The Beetle armor was never as advanced as Iron-Man's, being more along the lines of, say, Stilt-Man's. It's a four seater, not a sports car. No fine-tuning or meta-tech gimmicks. What's more, Jenkins seems to have entirely given up any claim he might once have had on the identity, as we saw three new Beetles buzzing around during the Civil War crossover, each wearing a different version of Jenkins' suit. The Thunderbolts quashed that little trio pretty quick, but who's to say where that armor went?
All of this makes the Beetle the perfect candidate for revival and mass production.
Think about it...dozens of the 'classic' Beetle (above) swooping down for the kill, raiding casinos, banks or even hijacking planes. A swarm of Beetles, each acting on the orders of some mysterious agency...AIM maybe. The Secret Empire. Heck, somebody new. Maybe the Beetles will be the foot soldiers of a new, insect themed organization (the Serpent Society, except with bugs), or even be a mercenary outfit, contracted out by Hammer Industries or Stane International to super-villains with a taste for armored henchmen.
The classic purple and teal color scheme will, of course, not be touched.

Reason # 4 Why I Should Write "The Thing"-The League of Man-Monsters

The Thing, is, at his most simple, a guy who got turned into a monster through no fault of his own. That's his his core conceit. Marvel is full of characters who got a similar Frankenstein treatment-the Hulk, Man-Thing, half of Spider-Man's rogues gallery. A good many of Jack and Stan's pre-FF monsters were victims of fate as well.
The Thing stands out among their ranks because he knows exactly what he is, he knows how unfair it is and he's normally pretty okay with it (these days). It gives him a unique perspective into the afflictions of the other man-monsters running around the Marvel landscape and could give a canny writer the opportunity for some good old fashioned monster on monster violence as well as a dash of poignancy.
I'm not just talking the traditional Thing/Hulk brawl, but imagine, if you will, the stories that were only hinted at in the pages of Marvel Two-in-One back in the day when the Thing was matching up against Morbius, It and the Man-Thing. Imagine if the Thing decided to seek these other misfits of fate out, feeling it was his responsibility (as the token 'good' monster) to keep other monsters-those who might not have turned out so well-adjusted-from going on destructive rampages. The concept could be extended on a thematic level to outsiders of all stripes-the Mole Man, say or the Headmen (who remembers the Headmen?).

Friday Night Fights: OPP!! Round 7!

What is it they say about March? In like a rogue android in the shape of a dragon, out like the business end of a fist made of orange rocks?

Regardless, I'm back and Space-Booger better watch out, 'cause I'm bringing the OPP, courtesy of Fantastic Four issue 44, by Lee, and Kirby, of course.

Goddamn Galactic Vampires...

A Message From The Destroyer...

This has been a public service announcement courtesy of Marvel Comics The Destroyer. Remember kids, guns don't kill people...but psycho Englishmen in red spandex will f@ck your shit all up.