Be warned, ye readers...there be rants ahead.
So, yeah, new Watchmen comics. Whoo. Joy and celebration. We're going to party like it's 1986 all over again.
Or not. See, I'm one of those rare dogs that doesn't particularly like original recipe, so why would I drop coin on extra-spicy with a side order of potato wedges? Don't get me wrong, Watchmen is an important work, for a variety of reasons, but for me, once was enough. I still haven't seen the movie. By all accounts it's just the comic done in three dimensions, rather than two, with a more sensible ending. Awesome. Rock on. Not my deal.
Still, everyone else and their brother is commenting on this little imbroglio, so why not me, right? And by commenting, I mean linking.
First up, let's see what those involved have to say! Wasn't that enlightening? No? How about Straczynski's rebuttal to the rebuttal of his pre-emptive passive-aggressive rebuttal? No? Shenanigans, I say! Hey, I wonder what Image Comics has to say...oh.
Feh. Let's hear from the peanut gallery. David Brothers is his usual articulate self. Also, I happen to agree with him on this and other issues. But that leaves a bit of a bad taste in your mouth, right, all that doom and gloom? What about this? Or how about this? And what round-up would be complete without seeing what the Mindless Ones had to say?
Mostly I point to these folks because they say it better and with more force and humour than I can muster for something like this. The thing is, I want to be mad. I want to feel that passion. But I don't. Team Comics might as well be [INSERT SPORTS TEAM OF CHOICE] for me. You know what comics I buy? Daredevil, Atomic Robo,Hellboy, BPRD and Knights of the Dinner Table. That's what I buy regular-like. And when Daredevil reaches its inevitable conclusion, when Bendis gets his hands back on it because 'damn he ain't writing Avengers no more but we still got to keep him around', that one's done and gone too. It'll be me and the damn Untouchable Trio + 1, a sassy robot and Lobster Johnson. They ain't on the team. They ain't even on the bench.
This thing here? It's stupid for all the reasons listed above in them links plus a zillion. It's dumb because nobody asked for it, nobody will care in a year and nobody will buy the trades, he said portentously. It's dumb because it's the worst damn way in the world to go about sparking interest for Watchmen 2: Watch Harder, another thing that nobody wants because sucker, the first one tanked if you didn't notice.
It's dumb, because no matter how much the lone voices in the wilderness of the world-wide web cry hold and think and know, the punters will buy it and bag it and send it away to be certified, because fuck you it's a damn thing. It's a tide that's just washing right over, it's happening, and when it's done everyone that participated will be left feeling like they took a dip in the Congaree River and now they've got oil on their skin and sand in their shorts.
And it's their right to feel that nastiness, because goddamn, this is ART rightchere. This is an EVENT the likes of which the goddamn Maya predicted. DC is giving you what you want, from who you want, when you want it and you will buy it. Because you're customers and that's how this deal works, my son. Because Alan Moore is a crazy old dope-head living in a magic house and he's lacking in the self-awareness department. Because if you enjoy it, fuck this noise here and go about it. Everybody should be able to buy what they want even if what they want misses the point of the thing they love. To paraphrase Ron Swanson, that's America.
But I ain't mad.
I ain't even disappointed.
Got to be rooting for the team to be disappointed.